Thursday, January 18, 2007

art jokes

Vincent van Gough walks into a bar, and the bartender offers him a drink...
No thank -you, said Vincent, I've got one 'ere.

***

A wealthy man commissioned Pablo Picasso to paint a portrait of his wife. Startled by the nonrepresentational image on the final canvas, the woman's husband complained, "It isn't how she really looks."
When asked by the painter how she really looked, the man produced a photograph from his wallet.
Returning the photography Pablo observed, "Small, isn't she?"

26 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've got one, a sad one: a "successful" art career is 90% how much money your parents make, and 10% who you sleep with. I saw it on a magnet, and so far as I've learned, magnets never lie.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone is a little bitter

1:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There may be some truth to that. Check out Dash Snow, the "Paris Hilton" of the art world.

1:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bitter? sarcastic, skeptical, cynical, ironic, full of good faith and endurance, yes, but bitter, never. but you could be right, perhaps privilege has nothing to do with success. . . .

1:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it helps

1:56 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

Here's a couple of the lame ones I've known for quite some time...

A famous art collector is walking along Madison Avenue when he notices a nasty, mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a grocers.

He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the grocery and offers to buy the cat for twenty bucks.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a cat around the house to catch rodents. I'll give you $200 for the cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the two hundred bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

The owner says, "Sorry, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold thirty cats."

(cue rim shot)

There was an artist who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working with the same model for a long period of time

His model showed up at the usual time and, after exchanging the usual small talk, began to disrobe for the day's work.

The artist told her not to bother, since he had a bad cold. He added that he would pay her for the day anyway, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea with lemon and honey.

The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do."

He agreed, and told her to fix herself a cup as well. They were sitting in the living room chatting and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, and then some familiar footsteps.

"Oh my!" he whispered loudly,
"It's my wife! Quick! Take all your clothes off!"

(cue cymbal crash)

2:10 PM  
Anonymous m. said...

i beleive in magnets and fortune cookies without reservation.

2:11 PM  
Anonymous PoPo the assclown said...

My take on the last one


A famous art collector is walking along Madison Avenue when he notices a nasty, mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a grocers.

He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the grocery and offers to buy the cat for twenty bucks.

The storeowner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a cat around the house to catch rodents. I'll give you $200 for the cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the two hundred bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

The owner says, "Sorry, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold thirty cats."

Just then 30 cops jump out from rooftops and parked cars and proceed to handcuff the old shop owner and kick the living shit out of him.

Through his blood and tears the old shopkeep cries "why am I being arrested?"

The cops look down at him and sternly remind him "Selling pussy in this city is illegal".

4:46 PM  
Anonymous PoPo the assclown said...

What do you call an Art History drop out?


A performance artist.

4:49 PM  
Anonymous PoPo the ass clown said...

Why did the struggling artist paint the garbage cans on his block orange and blue?



So his kids would think they are eating at Howard Johnson's.

4:50 PM  
Anonymous PoPo the assclown said...

A woman vistits and artist and asks if he would paint her nude for $10,000.

Without flinching the artist says "NO".

The woman ups the price to $20,000.

The artist still says no.

Angry, the woman gets her husband to threaten the artist.

Frightened, the artist agrees but only if socks would be worn.

The man and woman agree but ask "why socks?"

The artist states" I need something to hold my brushes".

4:55 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

popo:

You're a genius!! LMAORAOTF

5:37 PM  
Anonymous popo the assclown said...

How many gallery-ists does it take to change a light bulb.


None, they cant afford it.

7:20 PM  
Anonymous jangles the butler said...

A guy passes and artist standing next to a small hole in the wall yelling, "FIVE FIVE FIVE FIVE"

Interested the guy bends down and looks in the hole.

Instantly the man is poked in the eye with the sharp end of a paint brush and runs off in pain.

The artist stops yelling "FIVE FIVE FIVE"

and starts yelling "SIX SIX SIX SIX".

7:23 PM  
Anonymous nolan simon said...

This one's been going around the office since Dec:

Mark DiSuvero and Richard Serra walk into a bar and run into the ghost of David Smith.

Richard Serra looks to the ghost of David Smith and says, " Are you going to let him talk to you like that?!"

Oh snap!

-N

9:03 PM  
Anonymous buttcher said...

i dont get it

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

in reply to this

-Anonymous said...
There may be some truth to that. Check out Dash Snow, the "Paris Hilton" of the art world.

1:37 PM


you're an idiot

--------------+

8:48 AM  
Anonymous curtis said...

Honest rock star nihlism is generally enjoyable to me. I don't really care how much hype surrounds it or how much money Dash comes from (even if it is what funds his lifestyle). In a society that assumes cleanliness as a given human endeavor there are plenty of people who need someone like him to project their latent desires onto.

As far as the photographs, I can honestly say that I enjoy them as well. I'm not saying they blow my mind, but they are interesting and worth spending time with.

And to continue an earlier friendly debate with Todd: Having now looked at the work (I hadn't really done that yet when we were talking earlier) it appears to me that the lifestyle is totally welded to the work. The autobiographical qualities of it cannot be denied and they are presented in such a way that they require little or no outside information in order to get a general understanding of how Dash lives. That said, if they were only autobiographical (which they are not) I wouldn't be terribly interested in them. As they are the lifestyle seems to meerely be the paradigm that serves to link the works together.

We could try to argue whether or not he deserves the amount of attention he's gotten, but why bother? It's not bad work so closing one's eyes to him is just as phony as jumping on the hype band-wagon.

Of course liking the work can be attributed to taste and then there's the whole subjectivity of that that's hardly worth talking about. For what it's worth I'm usually very picky about what I enjoy though.

4:28 PM  
Anonymous curtis said...

By the way --------------+,
How is it where you are?

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

celebretard

2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey Curtis,

It's really awesome out here so far, up where I live reminds me of Detroit alot, but with alot more people out all of the time. I've just been getting out enjoying the city, and working alot since I've been here.

How's school going? Are you excited to graduate?

I have to get your email and stuff,so i can send you stuff, and see how you're doing once in a while. mine is cmcgraw2004@hotmail.com

Hope everything is good man, get a hold of me if youre ever out here-

9:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need more jokes to save struggling high school students

11:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Here's a really good art joke:

Gerhard Richter

12:56 AM  
Blogger pradeep said...

Paint rollers- Delhi/India based manufacturer, importer, wholesaler, trader and supplier of paint rollers , art paint brushes, paint brushes, paint roller brushes , paint brushes and rollers and provide quality paint brushes at very cheap rate in delhi/india.

6:16 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You need more jokes to save struggling high school students... repeated

5:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do a pretty good Claude Monet impression...

5:40 AM  

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